Day 137: That Man’s Nuts, Coconuts!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Big ish
Big ish who?
No thanks!

Now, today was much like that, a bad joke. We did nothing travel related once again. Other than witness a man attack a coconut with his index finger. We only discovered that by chance, yet he told everyone he was in the Lonely Planet guidebook. Oh, and today involved markets – again!!! But we’ll get to that.

• 10:30am, this was the time we woke up. We watched a tv show, then went downstairs for breakfast.

• I didn’t consume a whole box of cereal this time. I did enjoy a satisfying bowl of Frosties though. However, they weren’t Greeeeeaaat like the box would have you believe. They were “Aaaaaaaaadequate!” They tasted different to how I remembered, maybe it was the milk I used. I’m off topic again, this is unrelated to anything.

• After watching Sarah throw away the last of her poorly made porridge, we returned to the room. Sarah spent the best part of the afternoon watching Californication (even though she doesn’t like the brilliant show). I spent my time productively, once again chasing my tail, all in the hopes of catching up with the blog.

• Around 4pm we left the hotel to visit a nearby coffee shop. We enjoyed some toast and white coffee (what are we, 60?) before looking around the super mall.

• Neither of us bought any clothing you’ll be sad to hear. I’m sorry to keep getting your hopes up with all this talk of shopping every 5 minutes.

• We did make one purchase however. It came in the form of arrows. Yes, arrows. While we were exploring one of the many floors, we discovered people doing archery. For some unknown reason there was a room with targets. People could pay for a select amount of arrows, and try their hand at the sport. We paid for 12 each. The guy then fixed a guard to our arms (this was to prevent any string burn when we released the arrows), and we took our places. We both struggled at first. Sarah, because of the size of the bow. Me, because I’m left handed, I use my left eye to aim. Problem with that is, my left eye is short sighted, making it difficult to see the target. Regardless of our problems, we both managed to hit the centre of our targets. For less than £2 each, it was a fun way to spend 10 minutes.

• We looked around another clothing store, then treated ourselves to a massage. Not your usual massage in a salon though. Instead, we paid a ringgit into one of the many situated massage chairs. The experience wasn’t very relaxing, in fact I think the chair was set to fight mode. That’s how it felt at least. For the 3 minutes it lasted, it felt like someone was punching, kicking, and karate chopping our backs. We agreed we must have had a lot of knots, because when the massage balls squeezed and pushed their way around, it was quite painful in certain areas.

• After the malls, we made our way towards the weekend market. It was located on a road called “Jonkers Street”. This was a go to for bars and food, and on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, it played host to market stalls. We had a brief look around, before going for food at one of the many street vendors.

• I ordered whatever meal was being cooked at the time, because it smelled so good. Rightly so, even though it was a seafood dish, and contained a lot of cockles, I enjoyed it. Afterwards, we had a look at the rest of the market. At one point we watched an old man dancing on stage beside an old lady who was singing (badly) a traditional song.

• As we were set to leave Jonker Street, and head back to the guesthouse, Sarah’s attention drew towards a crowd. When I returned to her side, we learned what the crowd had gathered to see. By chance, we had found a world record holder. His name was Mr Ho (forgive me if the spelling is wrong) and he held the record for most coconuts pierced in a minute. Oh, and he only used his index finger to do so. They should have got him on stage to compete against the orangutan.

Mr Ho certainly knew how to keep the audience waiting. For over 40 minutes he spoke to everyone, flitting between Malaysian and English whenever he fancied. He then went on to try and sell some of the lotion, which he uses on his finger to stop swelling. After talking about the 2 world records he had on the table behind him, and walking around the crowd to show off his finger, he began. He got someone from the audience to select one of the 4 coconuts on the floor, and pass it to him.

Mr Ho placed it on a stool, gathered his chi, then with 4 mighty blows he pierced the hard exterior. He looked in a lot of pain after, and rinsed his hand with the special lotion several times. When he paraded around, showing off his finger before the act, it looked mangled. He told us how he’d broken it when he performed in Germany. He explained that because it was very cold during his visit, when he slammed his finger into the coconut the milk inside was frozen. Seeing as he was unable to penetrate the shell, his finger snapped off to one side (tasty!). After seeing Mr Ho in pain, Sarah and I left before he did any more harm to himself.

• Just when I thought it was safe to return to Lavender, a market had been erected outside the guesthouse. It was for the best, I found myself a great wallet. This meant Sarah and I no longer had matching purses. My new wallet was great, it had the avengers on the front. If anything could keep my money safe it would be the hulk!! I really wanted a hat, but was told I looked a right tool in them. Damn this long horse head of mine! There were lots of tshirts for sale with superhero prints on them as well. Unfortunately, they were all too small. With only one purchase made, we returned to our room.

• Back in the room, the movie Les Miserables had downloaded. This gave Sarah something to watch as I responded to my Nan’s missed call on Skype. To my surprise my Mum was visiting, so I managed to thrill two birds with one phone (see what I did there). I ended up speaking with them for over an hour. After I said goodbye, I returned to the room.

• I didn’t get to relax as I’d have liked though. Sarah asked me to run an errand, I left the room to make her a bloody tuna sandwich, while she kept watching the film about lesbians. I presume that’s what the “Les” is short for in the title. I acted like a loan shark when I returned, taking one of the sandwiches as commission (I joke, Sarah offered it to me). Satisfied with what I had created, then, and only then, was I able to lie down. I smashed through the blog, and got ready for bed. After so much writing, I concluded my night by treating myself to some good old American dramas. Maybe one day I’ll be writing shows like that! “In your dreams Ben.” We’ll see about that then, good night!


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